Do Over
by Shaz1
Summary: Follow on from 'The Chosen One'- Callen can't quite just walk away thinking of it as a job well done. One shot


Do Over

By Shaz1

None of the recognised characters belong to me, although what I wouldn't give to borrow Callen for just a few hours… Any they will be returned mostly unharmed when I am through with them.

This follows on directly after season four episode 'The Chosen One'.

Do Over

Callen sighed as he looked at his hands, the last mission was haunting him- he just couldn't stop it from whirling around in his mind and his hands were shaking. He kept telling himself it was the adrenaline from nearly being blown to smithereens, but he couldn't even convince himself. He had screwed up and it had cost a young woman her life- he had to live with that.

"G?" Sam questioned as he walked up behind his partner. All of the reports were finished and had been submitted, but the team leader had not made any move to go home. "You good?" the older man asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm fine Sam" he replied automatically, pushing his laptop shut and casting aside the image of the young woman that had taken her own life.

"You heading out? I am in the mood for steak and some beer" Sam suggested, hoping that his partner would accept the invitation at face value.

"I'm going to hit the gym for a while" Callen declined with a weak smile. "Good night Sam" he bade his friend as he got to his feet and headed towards the gym.

"Leave him be Mr Hanna- he needs to sort this in his own mind, and then he is certain to talk to you" Hetty assured the former seal gently.

"What's eating him?" Sam asked softly, he knew that his friend had nearly been killed on the latest mission- but that was practically a weekly occurrence for the seasoned operative and rarely did it have this effect on the younger man.

"It has been a trying day for him Sam- sometimes things affect you when you least expect it" the enigmatic ops manager informed him as she headed back to her desk to gather her things for the evening. "Just be ready when he needs to talk" she warned as she left to go home. Sam shook his head, he would never understand the strange connection that his partner had with their mysterious boss- but he was always grateful for it.

"Night Hetty" he stated with a shake of his head as he headed up to the gym himself to check on his friend.

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA

Callen pounded the punch bag, cross followed jab, undercut followed hook as each blow hit it's intended target with power and precision. The team leader was powered by anger and frustration and his arms moved in a flurry of activity, as the events of the day manifested into his work out. Sweat dripped down his back and his heart pounded in his chest as he struck the bag time after time. His partner went unnoticed behind him as his frustrations flew out of him. Half an hour later and his shoulders were burning as his punches continued to fly, his body betraying his emotional need to vent the only way that he knew how. He had screwed up- the infamous NCIS undercover agent who could become anybody whenever he wanted and he had screwed up. His mistake had cost a young woman her life- and nearly cost him his own. He had made mistakes before, but usually there was a way around it- this time there was nothing. He couldn't delete the girl from his mind her pretty face so dedicated to Allah that she would do anything to show her love. He cursed as he leant against the bag suddenly spent.

"You done?" a voice called from behind him and he whirled around in surprise. Sam stood behind him with his arms folded across his muscular chest.

"Yeah" he finally answered. "I am done" he added as he headed out towards the showers. Sam shook his head at the stubborn streak to his partner. He waited patiently for ten minutes knowing it never took his friend long to shower and change. When he didn't emerge he headed into the locker room, not surprised to find it empty- his partner had ditched him.

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA

Callen walked along the beach, finding a small amount of comfort in the crashing of the waves. He had no idea why he felt such a strange kinship with Gloria, he could only think that it was the shared feelings of abandonment as children. His due to being orphaned at a young age- hers due to falling in with the wrong crowd. Both of them had similar paths to choose between- and they had each made their choices. He blinked as moisture built in his eyes, unwilling to shed a tear- he didn't deserve the release. How could he have made such a basic mistake? Undercover work was always based on an in-depth background research and he had missed such a key element- and it had nearly cost him his life.

"What's eating you G?" Sam asked as he caught his friend up, not missing the devastated look on his friend's face.

"Anwar was left handed Sam" Callen stated as he sat down on the sand, giving in to the fact that Sam was not going to leave him to dwell alone.

"What?" the former seal questioned, confused with the statement.

"That's how I was made. I was sloppy and didn't wait for the full research- so I wrote my letter with my right hand. Slack and that's why she's dead" Callen informed his partner as he rested his head in his hand.

"You weren't to know G" Sam soothed his friend gently.

"I should have known Sam, it's the basics of undercover work and I am supposed to be the team leader. How could I have been so stupid" the clearly distraught agent ranted.

"What is so different about this girl that has got you so cut up G?" Sam asked, hitting the nail on the head as he correctly guessed what was bothering his best friend. His question was met with silence, as Callen found himself unable to answer. "What is it about her that has you blaming yourself for something that was the work of extremists?"

"She just wanted to belong somewhere. She wanted a do over" he finally responded, his voice so soft that Sam could barely hear him.

"She made the wrong choice G" Sam stated, leaning back.

"It's not always that simple Sam" Callen commented repeating his earlier statement. "She thought she had been cleansed that all of her wrongs had been washed away to make her a better person- following the path of Allah. She needed someone or something to believe in and he used that and it killed her" he continued.

"You think it could have been you?" Sam asked, finally catching up to his partner's travelling thoughts.

"No- I got my do over twenty years ago when I joined the CIA. That's when I got my purpose in life, but does that make me any different? I spend my life pretending to be other people, because I can't face not knowing who I am" he admitted, his voice barely audible. "Sometimes it isn't so simple Sam- we all have choices, and sometimes we all make the wrong one. Gloria didn't know who she was and was reaching out for any chance to find out, and to be a better person for it" he finished.

"You are not Gloria G" Sam stated as he squeezed his friend's shoulder gently. "As soon as you were old enough you joined the government agent- there was never any doubt which path you were destined for, Gloria was part of a gang- she was repeatedly involved in gang shootings and drugs" Sam reasoned.

"And she thought following Jamal was her being clean" Callen stated "she had no idea that he was using her in the same way as everyone else in her life had" he said sadly.

"She died believing that she was doing it for a good cause G- she thought that she was doing it for Allah, and that meant that she went in peace with herself- that's what you need to focus on" the bigger man told his friend gently. "She would have died regardless of our involvement- she was always part of their plan and you already know that you can't save everybody Callen"

"I know" the senior agent admittedly softly.

"Now you weren't to know he was left handed, it is not recorded anywhere in his files G- so stop beating yourself up over things that aren't your fault. You are the least slack operative that I know- well where undercover work is involved anyway" the seal added with a grin. "Now I'm starving and my best friend nearly got killed today- so are you going to join me for a beer and something that will go against all of my eating principles or what?" he offered gently to his feet and helping his partner up.

"If you're buying Sam then it would be rude to make you eat alone" Callen responded with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes- yet it was enough for Sam right at that moment in time.

The End


End file.
